Sexual & Physical Intimacy in Marriage – Part 2

Sex & Food Analogy

Food is a necessity in life. We understand the need to have rule over our body and not to become slaves to food but we know very well also that we MUST eat. We need food to fuel our body so that we might be alive and well to fulfil our purpose. I want us to consider sex from this same perspective. Sex is not why we are living but God created us to enjoy sex in marriage. Sexual deprivation in marriage is against the plan of God for marriage. It is amazing how many people still consider this area of their marriage as a taboo to talk about and yet many married couples are secretly suffering from unsatisfied sexual longings. Proverbs chapter 27, verse 7 counsels that “One who is full loathes honey from the comb, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet.” Prolonged sexual hunger is dangerous as every bitter thing becomes sweet to the hungry soul. Those who undergo continuous dissatisfaction in their sexual life are preparing themselves for pain and often times temptations as mentioned in the story in part 1 of this article.

Consider the following 

  • The appetite for sex is similar to the appetite for food. Some have a small appetite but some others have a big appetite.  Remember when you said “I DO”, you were saying yes to everything your spouse has to bring into the marriage. This includes their sexual appetite!
  • Someone might not like the meal presented to them, but when they are really hungry, it does not really matter. They might even regret eating that food afterwards but not until their hunger subsides. Watch it, do not be the one pushing your spouse towards temptation. When your husband/wife is “hungry”, every bitter woman/man may suddenly become sweet. That explains why men without self-control will pay to sleep with a woman they don’t even love.
  • Just as some possess uncontrolled appetite for food, some people have uncontrolled appetite for sex – they can have sexual relations with anybody as long as their appetite is satisfied. It is essential for married couples to develop self-control. We are not supposed to be slaves to sex. We should not allow this great gift to become a source of pain and agony for our spouses and in our marriages.
  • When one is full, food means a lot less, you are doing yourself and your husband a big favour if both of you are sexual satisfied and fulfilled.
  • Negative sexual habits are often related in most cases to unsatisfied sexual appetite or hunger. Pay attention to the sexual needs of your partner and be open to discuss freely about it. 

Remember, every human is unique. We have differing degrees of sexual desire and appetite. What is very important here is that husbands and wives should be aware of the physical needs and sexual desires of their spouses. We cannot compare our marriage with other marriages. Our concern and responsibility is towards the person we have chosen to marry. You have chosen to marry them with all their sexual inclinations and desires. I am not suggesting here anything untoward, I am speaking of the right and appropriate sexual relationship as ordained and instituted by God.

Even though the pressure of sexual gratification might not be generally as serious in women as in men, as some suppose, we should be careful to know that this analogy works both ways. God created the desire for sex in both the man and the woman. We need to be smart about it; we should not push aside the issue of sex in our marriage. We should never treat our spouse’s concerns about sexual satisfaction with triviality. In our marriages, as we submit ourselves to God let us be wise and do what God has planned for us to do within the covenant of our marriage. 

Communicate your sexual passions, fears and desires with your spouse. One man reported his wife to the church pastor when she came home to practice what she was taught in the women’s meeting! He thought she must have been prostituting because she learned how to make her husband happier in bed. Bring your spouse into your world of expectations and discuss the possibility of your desires. You are supposed to be one, if you are not free to make known your sexual passions to your spouse then you are brewing a big problem. Effective communication of sexual needs between couples is essential to the wellbeing of the marriage. Do not neglect the sexual demands and desires of your spouse.

The consequences of an unhealthy sexual relationship are numerous. They include frustration, anger, sadness, irritation, resentment, tension and so many unexplainable but undesirable behaviours. If your sex life is unhealthy, your marriage cannot be interesting. On the seemingly extreme side of the consequences of unhealthy sexual relationship is lust, pornography and extramarital affairs. These are more common than we would like to admit. 

Make up your mind to be the best for your spouse. Don’t wait for them to change – accept the challenge to bring another level of fulfilment to your sex life.

Read more about Intimacy in marriage and other topics on my website. Your comments are very useful to me.

More Grace.

Lekan Wellington Adegunwa